WEEK FOUR: WE DON’T BELIEVE IN BIBLICAL MARRIAGE ;)

“Marriage! Marriage is what brings us together today. Marriage, that blessed arrangement, that dream within a dream… and love, true love will follow you forever. So treasure your love.”  These words (minus the movie voice, of course) begin the marriage scene from the movie “The Princess Bride.” If we all are honest with ourselves, whether we are married or not, that is exactly what we would want our marriage to be: a blessed arrangement, a dream within a dream that will follow us forever. But we also all know that marriage is not always blessed and isn’t always a dream. Marriage is hard, and it is hard because it involves two distinct individuals with different backgrounds, different ideas and philosophies about life, and different ways of looking at things now coming together as one.

No matter how much two people may love one another, there will be discrepancies and differences of opinion that will come into a marriage relationship. You will not always agree, and most likely at some point, you will adamantly disagree. This is a normal part of working out the relationship, but at times it can seem a bit overwhelming.

What we must keep in mind is that marriage is not about me. Marriage is a reflection of God’s love story. A marriage should reflect the same type of love that God demonstrates to us: an unconditional, covenant love.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that is highly litigious. As a result, contracts have become a normal part of everyday life. A contract is a safeguard that protects both sides of the agreement by stating what each would do and releasing one from the contract should the other side not fulfill their obligation. More simply put, a contract says “I’ll do my part so long as you do yours.” Sounds great, right? But that was never God’s plan for how he treats us or how a marriage should function. God’s plan was never a contract, but a covenant.

In his book “Covenant Marriage,” Gary Chapman explains the covenant this way: “A covenant, like a contract, is an agreement between two or more persons, but the nature of the agreement is quite different.” He further states that there are five characteristics of a covenant relationship. “1. Covenants are initiated for the benefit of the other person. 2. In covenant relationships people make unconditional promises. 3. Covenant relationships are based on steadfast love. 4. Covenant relationships view commitments as permanent, and 5. Covenant relationships require confrontation and forgiveness.” (pages 13-21) That sounds lofty and difficult, doesn’t it? But it is not impossible.

With God’s help and an understanding of God’s covenant plan for marriage, we can do it. It takes a conscientious decision on our part to declare that this is not about what I can get but rather what I can give… and even if I don’t get back what I would like to get, I am in this marriage for keeps. My commitment to my spouse is not contingent on them reciprocating to my needs. Two people, as a couple, submitted to God and to each other, can live in God’s covenant marriage.