WEEK THREE: “WE” NOT “ME”

In his book Covenant Marriage, Gary Chapman states, “Perhaps no relationship demands so much Christian discipline as marriage… The couple makes a lifetime commitment to share virtually every aspect of their lives with each other, but they are ill-prepared to do this.” So, why is this the case? Why are couples ill-prepared or unprepared to face marriage? How can they do as much as possible to ensure marriage success?

It begins by understanding how God views marriage. It is so significant that God chose marriage as the illustration of his relationship with his people. (Isaiah 54:5, 2 Corinthians 11:2) God viewed the marriage relationship between a man and a woman as the same as his covenant with mankind…and therein lies the issue.

In our culture, the marriage relationship has moved away from this idea of covenant to the concept of a contract. This is understandable since we live in a contract-driven culture, but it is unfortunate that Christian couples have brought it into their marriages. This mindset has moved away from what is best for the couple to what is best for the individual. A contract mindset is one of “if/then.” In other words, if you will do this for me then I will do this for you. Unfortunately, because of this, an unmet expectation or an unfulfilled promise can be grounds for ending a marriage.

But that was never God’s intention. God never intended marriage to be a contract-driven relationship.  He intended marriage to model his covenant relationship with man. That directly conflicts with the cultural mentality of contract. Where contract says “if you do that then I will do this,” covenant says “I will hold up my end regardless of what you may do.” It is moving the definition of marriage to a biblical one instead of a secular one.

Chapman explains it this way: “The secular concept of love focuses on feelings. It has been said that ‘love is the feeling that you feel when you feel a feeling like you’ve never felt before.’ In the Bible, love is not basically a feeling, but an attitude expressed in appropriate behavior. It is the attitude that chooses to build up another, to put their interest above you own interest. Love is something you choose to do.” It is we before me. That is covenant marriage! It is a decision for mutual submission in Christ-like love.